I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
