You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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