i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
