so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
