Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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