she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
