Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
