I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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