hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
