How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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