Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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