I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
