I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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