smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
