this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so let's talk penis.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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