i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Someone shit on the floor
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
