life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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