ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
