one word: firstdatebathroomanal
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
