how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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