oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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