have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
