I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
