i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
