She said her name was "party"
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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