do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
