3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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