I want to stick my p in your. b.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
