as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
