i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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