dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
