Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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