FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my being single is dangerous.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
