are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
