I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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