i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
