My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
