I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
we made out on top of his cat.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
