It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
