Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
