I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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