I saw his package. It spoke to me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
