I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
