sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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