He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
