Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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