I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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