you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
