Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
