Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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