Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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