Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
