Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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