Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
